


The Hand You Held

by hansolchoi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Badly Written, M/M, Other, Psychological Drama, Tragic Romance, meanie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-21 22:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7408288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansolchoi/pseuds/hansolchoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He then rests. It wasn't easy, for there was a seed of oath planted between them and the real life phenomena that separates them. </p><p>[old title: breaking the realms of possibilities (april 9, '17)]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a Wednesday in January and the skies are in their darkest gray, the winds are blowing through several directions, and the air is seemingly cold.  
  
Rain poured, and the droplets were heard splatting against Wonwoo's car. He knew they were larger than usual for the sound it makes against the metal roofing of the vehicle doesn't sound like the normal, calm ones. He knew it wasn't just any ordinary rain, and he didn't know what to do.  
  
There was quite no obvious reason for him to panic at the moment; it was just rain, but it felt like the droplets were multiplying and expanding, and it brushes down harder just as he rushes to drive. His anxiety continued to envelope him, like how the rain blocks the front glass shield of his car, making it hard for him to see the drive way. He tried to make use of the wiper, as swift as it goes, it was still no use.  
  
Fortunately, there were bridges, or at least they were constructed the same, just leveled above the actual drive way in which vehicles travel through. He pushed the break, stopping right below the formation. It functioned as a roofing and has prevented the rain from landing against his car and blurring the view. The sounds were still there, though, it was almost faint, but he stopped bothering.  
  
Car lights passed his own and as his eyes watched and followed the movement, he started to wonder, "how must they manage? It's raining too hard, and it only makes you see a single color." But he realized it wasn't worth pondering on so he did nothing, and stayed on his seat with his feet, almost doing the right thing. Almost.  
  
He started to miss the air that's always been warm. He then held his jacket close, and had his arm over the other, overlapping, surrounding himself. Not bad, at least he managed to warm himself up, even in the slightest bit. The temperature continued to drop and his knees felt the need to shake, and at that moment he felt like he had to move. One second he was turning the engine on, and the next several seconds were, as sad as it can be, may be the last seconds of his life.  
  
Fourteen wheels nearing, and since the rain hasn't stopped yet, the driver probably had the same problem. Wonwoo had his car lights on, but since the vision was too blurry, the lights were cropped out of the picture. The whole situation was out of control, and a loud crash was heard from the collision of steel and steel. Wonwoo doesn't have his seat belt on, and the extreme amount of momentum doubled the casualty.  
  
  
Beneath the silence, after last bit of what life sounded like,  
there was blood, and there were sirens. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Possibly the last time he will get to hold Wonwoo;  
> Possibly the last time he will be able to pass his own heat to him.

Mingyu rushed to the hospital after hearing what happened last night. Seungkwan came along, to accompany his friend, and to expect the worst.

It was daytime; but the sun, even with its rays stretched out to the Earth, all went unnoticed.

The second they had their feet inside the hospital, their chests felt heavier than usual, and it made them want to lie on the cold, hard floor. Maybe it'd draw their strength back, and the courage to set their footsteps through the halls.  
They asked for information and started to follow directions right after.  
Neither of them know what was happening, maybe they do, but they both refused to believe. Especially Mingyu. He was never fascinated by lies, but the truth within this situation leaves him hopeless, and makes him want to cover himself with all the lies for they seem to be much better to hold on to, right now. The more he thinks about it, the more it makes him feel dead inside. 

Wonwoo was in critical condition and the local hospital tried to help him but unfortunately, their greatest efforts didn't make it up for the boy. They had to transfer him into another hospital. They managed to reach and send him into the Emergency Room, but it was too late. He was already dead. His heart stopped beating; Not even a single pulse has been detected. His hands were colder than usual, the nails almost blue, and his lips were dry and the color was noticeably faded. The blood from the wound by his temples remains visible, after streaming down his face.

After the nurse cleaned Wonwoo's face and erased the blood that was brought by the accident, Seungkwan let out a sob, and immediately wiped his tears before the salty taste gets to go to his lips. Mingyu stayed mute; his eyes, however, were teary.

The doctor talked to them and mentioned everything that has to be mentioned and then left them alone with Wonwoo's lifeless body, with a white blanket over him, and his face allowing itself to be revealed. Nobody dared to move, not even one bothered to say a word. It was only their eyes that were glued, and focused unto the boy. 

"How?" It came out as a soft sound, while Mingyu stood still, "of all people, why him?" He questioned, as if there was someone out there who knew. And by the parting of his own lips, he fell into his knees, "w-why did all of this have to happen?!" This time his eyes were shut real hard and tears began to fell from between his lashes; his teeth gritted over each other, shaking.

He grabbed Wonwoo's hand, and despite the fact that he expected it to be hard and dead, it still felt the same. It was colder, though. But there was a sense of familiarity, like it was something he'd felt for years, or maybe even like the day he was born, that's how he remembers it —like it's the most essential part of your life, like it's the start of everything. He held it hard, and curled his fingers against Wonwoo's thin ones. Mingyu laid his head down, positioning it beside Wonwoo and cried hard on the sheets, trying hard to catch his breath.

 

\----------

Mingyu spent the night alone as usual but tonight, he felt the loneliest. His room seemed darker too, for the lampshade barely lit the four walls around it and the stars seemed to hide itself into the night skies. He turned his gaze into the window and stared at the moon. Suddenly, he felt himself heavily breathing; inhaling felt impossible and exhaling bore so much weight right in his chest.  
All he did was cry, and of all things happening, nothing mattered to him, not even the world, not even the heat pressed into his body. —For all that what mattered, was forever gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He promised him something, something that w a s.

People have gathered, including Wonwoo's family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. Most of them grieving, some of them just want to get away from their homes –masking themselves with straight, emotionless faces. 

Some of them talked to his family, "We'll always be here for you." Some have said, like it was in a certain pattern. The others gave something to show they're grieving too. They would walk beside Wonwoo's coffin and take a look at his lifeless face. 

____

Three days after, Wonwoo is finally being sent to the cemetery. It begins with a long walk, with a long line of people following the vehicle that carries Wonwoo's coffin. Sweat began pouring down their cheeks, their forehead visibly wet and they feel like the sun is giving off all the heat to them and, them alone.

Time had roughly passed and the coffin was put down, lowered into the deep hole in the soil. As the men workers shoveled the soil back into the pit, flowers were thrown against the white metal material that keeps the corpse still. Mingyu threw roses, they were red and he lost count of how much he threw. He felt like it's the only thing he can do. Not even breathe a while.

Wonwoo then rests. 

  


Between Mingyu's sobs were the words that had emanated from the hole in his heart;  
His lips were trembling, "Wonwoo," it came out like a soft whimper, "today, you finally rest, but as you lay there forever, I am in hopes that whatever we had will stay alive, and will live as far as immortality allows."  
He continued, "Your soul may have escaped, but the flames we have built inside us will never die.  
A part of me will always be incomplete, for your departure had come too soon." He bit his lip and tightened his fists as they shake and pressed them against his head, attempting to pull his own hair.

"I love you; and I will always do, until the day I die." 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under three years of which could've been the cessation of promises, was a pile of lies.

He was staring at the grave, where Wonwoo's name was written under a "Rest in Peace". --But, was he? 

It was dark and Mingyu hadn't had any candles or any light source with him; he was unfortunate. The stars, the lamps in every corner of the streets, and the candles nearby were the only things that helped him manage to see. Beside the grave was a pot of flowers, and they seem to be old and withered. It was like it has been there for an eternity, but as he goes on about it, he only remembered what Wonwoo had said to him once, "It's funny how eternity is wanted by so many people, and is viewed as the most precious and realistic thing ever. People are mistaking it for something that's quite it's opposite, for all of eternity just takes place at once."

As he grasp unto the situation, every word kept on repeating in his ears, like ringing bells and underwater sounds, making it useless to cover both. It was all there –they were all there. He picked the flowers up and threw them away with full force. The pot shattered into pieces as it landed by the concrete road. 

He glanced back into the grave. All was gray, all was not well. And just about five inches away from it, was three fingers –shaking, slowly escaping from the soft soil.

Mingyu stared for a second, shocked. And it took him about a minute for his brain to process what's happening.

He ran away. As swift as his legs allow him to be.

  


———

  


He woke up the next morning, unsure about what has happened or what was happening at that moment. His bed felt usual, and the room was dimly lit like how it had always been. But one thing that bugs him over --was the memory of last night -the memory of Wonwoo. Three years had passed since the bloody incident took place in his life and took away the most important part of it. It must be a pain to ponder on about that scenery, moreover, grasp the suggestion that it was real.

"What the hell....." he thought to himself, "was that?"

"Was it real?" This time he spoke, almost unheard.

Confused and half asleep, Mingyu tried to gain composure and security. But because he was naturally contemplative, he thought about it over and over, leaving him delayed for his morning tasks.

Sure he was decided on going downstairs for breakfast but was unsure whether he would change his clothes, at least. He finds that gross, but with his state, he just had no plan on doing it. As he strolls around, he found traces of dirt in his sleeve. He continued his business, anyway.

Every morning, he would sit with Minghao and the usual would be the two of them talking and laughing about the smallest things but, Mingyu seem to get constantly distracted about most things. He looked uneasy and frantic. 

Minghao wondered what was wrong. "Is everything okay?", the words unconsciously slipped from his mouth. It was about a second or two before he realized he did. But Mingyu took about almost a minute to process the words and absorb the idea that everything is not okay. All the troubled thoughts, he still had given no answer for the next few minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

Despite the cold gust of wind, and the absence of most of the stars in the city, Mingyu went to the bridge that connects the city to a long another. It was huge and as he cast an eye over the other end of it, he saw just vastness: a mixture of the lonely night sky and the plain darkness leading to a far away distance, to an empty hole, to uncertainty. The reason he went here was to gain tranquil, for the incident that happened three days ago still puzzles him over. He stood stiffly, in a place where he remembers his feet glued so well, a place he used to go to whether alone or with Wonwoo. Worth reminiscing, wasn't it? Mingyu let out a deep sigh over the thought.  
  
The slow moonlight shimmer reflected upon the waters got him looking to the other end again, and the muscle around his eyes twitched as a distorted figure happened to appear in the distance. He turned fast into the opposite direction but he still wants to take another glance, trying to look into what he really wanted to see but least expecting the things he's most afraid to hear and will keep him scarred for the rest of his life. It was all a blur and yet still so sharp. He examined it carefully, and finally listened to his judgement that it was him, Wonwoo. Everything looked familiar, except for his eyes: they look so cold and emotionless.  
  
"W-wonwoo?"  
"Mingyu," Wonwoo said slowly.  
Wonwoo's hands were stained by hints of dirt. Just like how the fingers he saw digging out of wonwoo's tomb looked like.  
  
Mingyu screamed, his voice almost cracking. He cried hard. Hardest.  
  
He grabbed the cold steel bars and shifted his weight upon it, lifted his torso, and his legs crossed the barrier and went to the other side of where his feet were originally positioned, where his last shed of sanity was left. There he felt the wind becoming stronger, slower yet much heavier. His feet were only --merely two inches away from nothingness, or rather, the gravitational force that will pull him down the water, and choke him with absolute nothing but the oxygen he can never breathe.  
  
The water reflects the dark night sky, and as blue or as grey as they become, Mingyu becomes grateful as to witnessing something that appears to be in the same situation as him. As the waves come quieted, his senses did so, too.  
  
He threw away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading until the last chapter. (-::  
> I'm sorry i half assed wrote this. There should be a lot more written in the middle where they'd actually talk but i have no more ideas. :( sorry again and thanks xx bye


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